Monday Musings

Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.



Joke of the Week: The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.




20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?





Stories you might have missed

1. A beautiful father-son moment: Ryan & Redmond O'Neal
(Arrested together for crystal meth. Awwww. Isn't it heartwarming to see that they're spending time together?)

2. Wisconsin football player: Arrested for DUI...on a moped
(Doesn't he know that the snowmobile is the proper vehicle for Wisconsin DUI arrests?)

3. What would your name be if Sarah Palin was your mother?
(Mine is "Wing")


4. Tony Kornheiser: "I took high school Spanish, either he said he's not going to be caught, or please pick up my dry cleaning tomorrow."
(Countdown to his exit from MNF begins now...)

5. GOP Delegate's hotel room tryst goes bad when he wakes up with $120,000 missing
(This is a hilarious story)


Video of the week: Look at the guys behind the reporter...






Photo of the Week: GO CUBS! Losing really is soooo last century. Right? These shirts are available here. Get yours for the playoffs.






























READER RESPONSE

Regarding "Chicago Radio Spotlight"

"As an old time fan of the glory days at the Loop and AM 1000, I appreciated reading about your experiences and the interviews of people who were almost like family to me. I am planning on getting your book and wish you luck on your continued success in writing and who knows about the future of radio. You, Wiser and Shemp, made things fun for all of the listeners out there. I really miss those days when it wasn't so calculated, and all of my favorites are gone, or in competition. I can listen live to Johnny B, a podcast of Dahl and occasionally catch Kevin on the web. I'm glad you keep us up to date with all of the people from days gone by. On a personal note, I actually remember calling in to the station when I was surprised to hear Greg Solk doing the Best Of Steve and Garry. He told me that your father had passed. I asked him to send my condolences, as I had done some intern work at the Loop in 1987. Reading your thank you to Mary Ann jogged my memory of that time. I know how that is as I lost my step-father a while back too. Being of German heritage myself, I felt some kind of quasi connection to you. You and I never worked together, as I was a brief flash in the pan in the times when Kevin was still doing nights, but I think you said hello to me once. I again think what you are doing here is great. I'm about to listen to Dahl via internet as I am now far from the signal in Rockford. Can't believe they carry Mancow out here (ugh!) and have lame stations with 3rd rate talent. Anyway, take care and I hope my book purchase helps out."
--R

Regarding Suburban Man: "Welcome to broadcasting, kid"

"I just read the blog piece about Sean. I didn't realize just how far things had gone before they pulled the rug out from under him. Thank God he took it so well. Meanwhile, my heart's breaking for him. Bastards."
--L

"GOOD JOB. It may have taken you a couple tries, but you finally got a son to share your obsession with! Your other two boys aren't Sox fans, are they? I was at a graduation party a couple years ago and was introduced to a very nice couple and their children, daughter Addison Clark and son Ryne Sheffield. I kid you not, and I thought the names were the coolest things ever. I mean, most of the time, people name their dogs after their sports obsessions. These people actually named their children after their favorite team! Their son wasn't even the first "Ryne" I had encountered. My son has a friend named Ryne, and his parents are very quick to correct the person who mistakenly pronounces it "Ryan." But think about it. If the Cubs were a "normal" team and had won a pennant or championship the past 100 years, would we be this obsessive? Obsessive enough to name children Wrigley Field or Addison Clark? Yeah, there are probably lots of Brett's in Wisconsin and Peyton's in Indianapolis and Tennessee, but those are actually normal names. I can't wait until someone names their kid after Samardzija. I just hope they spell it correctly."
--A

Chicago Radio Spotlight: Alan Cox

Alan Cox was the host of the Morning Fix, which aired on Q-101 from 2006-2008.







RADIO-OGRAPHY

1992-1994: WLUP FM/AM (intern, later ass't. producer-Jonathon Brandmeier Radio Showgram)
1993-1994: WZOK/ Rockford, IL (weekends)
1994-1995: WXRX/ Rockford, IL (weekends)
1995- 1998: WRKR/ Kalamazoo, MI (afternoons)
1999- 2006: WXDX/ Pittsburgh (afternoons, moved to mornings)
2006- 2008: WKQX/ Chicago (mornings)


Rick: How did they break the news to you that they were pulling the plug on your show at Q-101, and what reason did they give?

Alan: It was a pretty standard radio dismissal- After our August 1st show, management told me and my cohost, Jim Lynam, that they were "making some changes effective immediately" and moving the afternoon duo to our slot. They didn't give a reason, but my contract was up and they were paying me a lot of money, so I knew it was a possibility. Radio has fallen on hard times across the board. Despite assurances to the contrary, stations are simply knee-jerking over PPM- the exact wrong thing to do. PPM is just as screwy as the diaries were. Ironically, after our dismissal, our PPM numbers were the highest they'd ever been. A lot of smart people in our industry are making a lot of strange decisions.

Rick: When you started your career working as an intern for Johnny B, did you ever think that you'd be up against his show--right down the hall from him?

Alan: I definitely never thought I'd be on the air opposite him. Even though I'm not even in the same strata as Johnny, it was a complete thrill to be working down the hall from him. When I walked into his studio about a month after I had been back on the air here, his jaw dropped. He hadn't made the connection that the guy he sent to pick up hookers with a hidden microphone 15 years ago was the guy hosting mornings at Q101. My career goal was always to be doing drive time in Chicago and everything I know professionally, I learned from Johnny- drive, work ethic, creativity, stamina, perspective- everything. For a guy to still be at the top of his game and so creatively relevant, when so many others have flashed in the pan, is proof that he's unparalleled.

I was a stand-up comic before I got into radio and I crossed paths with Garry Shandling one time. He said that, other than his father, he had never wanted another man's approval more than Johnny Carson. That's how I feel about Brandmeier.

Rick: I really admire the idea of what you were trying to do with that show. It sounded like a bold experiment. Just about everyone I know in Chicago radio was tuning in to that first week to hear how it sounded. I know you rehearsed it a few times, and pre-recorded a stockpile of stuff, but in retrospect, do you wish you would have had a chance to roll it out in another time slot to get your sea legs before launching it in morning drive?

Alan: The original Morning Fix wasn't a victim of its timeslot; more a combination of a other things. We were replacing Mancow, which would have been a daunting task for any kind of show. Plus, I think there were too many moving parts and the audience couldn't get their arms around the sum total. Some listeners loved its frenetic pace and comedic tone; other people felt like it didn't give them time to breathe. Plus, radio is an interactive medium at its best. People want to call and be part of the fun. The original show was very self-contained. It's one thing to do a funny radio show; it's quite a dicey proposition to do a show that's working very hard to be funny in a specific way. The idea was sound, but it simply didn't resonate with enough listeners. The Q101 core audience is primarily into the music and wasn't really sure what to do with our show. I think it would have been more successful on a station that skewed a bit older.

Rick: I know I'm not the only one in radio who was rooting for it to succeed.

Alan: I'm proud to have been a part of it. It was (former PD) MIke Stern's baby and it brought me back home. For all of the times people say, "Give us something different on the radio!", we did. We had immensely talented people in that incarnation, and it was a LOT of work, but the bottom line is- it's still radio. It's very difficult to change people's habits. In a market like Chicago, where you have legendary personalities up and down the dial, being an upstart show of ANY stripe is very difficult. Even more so when it's an entirely new concept.

The audience it did garner really railed against station management when they pulled the plug on the ensemble show, but I have to credit Emmis for taking that chance on really giving it a shot. The old show got 14 months, which is longer than most other stations would have given a show like that. In the largely bland radio landscape, Emmis would have been hailed as heroes had it succeeded. Most radio companies wouldn't have put the time or the resources into a show like that in the first place.

Rick: I did catch quite a few inspired moments on the show when I tuned in. What are some of your favorites?

Alan: Some of the best bits from the old show were the ones that came completely by accident. We'd all be pitching ideas and someone would riff off someone else,and so on. We did a lot of NPR-on-acid humor, like the science reporter who invariably would jumble his facts and just devolve into bragging about sleeping w other professor's wives. We did a completely strange bit called "Backseat Goat", about a goat that sat in the backseat of your car and acted like a GPS, but only through a series of animal noises that the driver inexplicably understood. We tried to balance the higher-brow with the lowbrow. A suburban school put on a play that upset some Italian-Americans, so we did a grade-school production of The Sopranos, in which the kids clumsily mimicked all the vulgar language and stereotypes. All little bits of twisted humor that were unlike anything else on the dial.

Rick: When most of the show was let go, and you were asked to carry on, what was that like the last few months? Did you feel like they were giving you a legitimate shot?

Alan: At the very beginning, they just wanted us to babysit the music. Between Mancow (photo) and the old Morning Fix, they hadn't had music in morning drive for almost ten years and they wanted to regain that position with the Q101 audience. Understandable. But I walked into management and said, "if we're keeping the seat warm for a new show, tell me now." I'm a pro, I get it- but be upfront if we're just leftovers. They assured me that we had a shot, and I believe that they at least wanted to see what we could do. So we played more music and slowly introduced more personality pieces into the format. We had lots of callers, lots of sports, lots of good guests, lots of solid quirky comedy- we were gunning for that male 18-34 demo, and getting it. We had a fiercely loyal audience, with no marketing and no promotion. It was word- of- mouth. But the pressure to deliver overnight is so immense, albeit completely unrealistic. My regret is that our show only got seven months, and we were at the top of our demo. That's why I chalk it up to a financial decision.

Rick: With your background in radio, I'm sure there are lots of different paths your future career could take you. What are you most interested in pursuing at this time?

Alan: I'll be trying my hand at voiceovers to pay the bills, but I love the medium of radio. I reject, on principle, the notion that it's a dying ART form. Commerce dictates that music formats seemingly regard talent now as a necessary evil, but I've always felt particularly suited for talk radio. I think there is a big hole in that format for a younger, politically savvy, edgy, engaging personality like myself. I've also been a columnist and a PBS TV contributor during my radio career, so I've never been content to have a limited skill set. I grew up listening to Larry Lujack and Steve & Garry, Brandmeier and Bob Collins. I'm a big Roe Conn fan. And, though I disagree with them on many things, I admire guys like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck for successfully crossing over as talk hosts who understand it's still entertainment. I want talk radio to be my next thing.

Rick: Anything you'd like to say to the fans of your show?

Alan: None of us would be here without listeners, and I have had some of the best. Many of them have gone from being faceless to being great friends, and that's a rare thing. I'm grateful for anyone who listened, and I hope they'll return to me when I'm back on the air.

Eddie Vedder's Cubs song

It was in the Trib and the Sun-Times this morning that Eddie is releasing a song for the Cubs. Here's a clip of him playing it live.

Media Notebook (Sept 18, 2008)

Collected and Edited by Rick Kaempfer





Highlights and links to the big stories in the news this week about the media. This column appears twice a week at MEDIA NOTEBOOK

Comedy gold...



Reviewing the Sarah Palin interview
(Washington Post) Howard Kurtz reviews the interview thusly: "Anyone who said that Charlie Gibson might go easy on Sarah Palin might want to quickly delete those comments. What the ABC newsman conducted was a serious, professional interview that went right at the heart of what we want and need to know about the governor: Could she be president? Does she understand the nuances of international affairs? Does she have a world view? He was all business, respectful but persistent."

Couric to interview Palin
(TV Newser) TVNewser writes: "Katie Couric will interview Republican VP nominee Gov. Sarah Palin next week on the campaign trail, days before the first presidential debate. We hear the interview will air on the CBS Evening News and on all CBS News platforms. It will also include something the previous two interviews did not — time with Sen. John McCain and Palin together. The interview takes place Sunday (the 28th) and Monday."

More Comedy Gold...



Facebook political ads test limits
(Wall Street Journal) Emily Steele writes: "Clicking on the ads takes visitors straight to a story on the Web sites of those publications. People who click on the ad that reads "WSJ Says: Palin Lied," for instance, are directed to a story on The Wall Street Journal Web site about the contradictions in Gov. Palin's record regarding the "Bridge to Nowhere." But none of the publications cited in the ads bought them -- or even was aware of them. The buyer -- though never identified anywhere on the ads or on the pages that you land on after clicking on them -- is the liberal group MoveOn.org. It's the latest example of fuzziness about who's behind what when it comes to political ads online."


CLICK HERE


When the only thing you care about is stock price, what happens to your industry when the stock price tanks? Exhibits A & B below...

Bumpy road for radio staffers
(Chicago Sun Times) Robert Feder writes: "The idiots who've ruined radio are up to their old tricks again. This time around, the loss of jobs and destruction of localism has hit Metro Networks/Shadow Broadcast Services, thanks to sweeping cutbacks by parent company Westwood One. In Chicago, at least five on-air staffers were cut in the first wave of layoffs meant to reduce the company's overall work force by 15 percent -- or 300 jobs. Among Friday's casualties were news bureau chief Perry Williams, reporter/editor Tom Gaines (known on the air as Tom Kelly), and reporters Jill Urchak, Bill Souronis and Dan Levy. Most had been there a decade or more. Westwood One bosses say they plan to consolidate Metro Networks' 60 operation centers into 13 regional hubs. Even as they plan to slash $30 million from their annual budget, they're claiming service will improve. "Though we regret the need to reduce staff, these initiatives will help ensure that Westwood One retains its industry leadership position," CEO Tom Beusse said in a statement. What makes these job losses especially galling is that so many local radio stations rationalized the elimination of their own news operations in the first place by outsourcing those functions to bare bones Metro/Shadow."

Emmis cuts salary for its 64 most highly compensated employees
(Radio-info.com) Tom Taylor writes: "A while back, founder/CEO Jeff Smulyan announced he’d be reducing his own salary to $1 (though there were still bonuses and his take as a major shareholder – something that’s worth much less at current stock prices). But the action Emmis just informed the SEC about is more than a symbolic $1 salary – these “mostly highly compensated employees” are having their salaries cut way back to $15,000 for a very clear reason: “to increase defined consolidated operating cash flow” under the company’s November 2, 2006 “revolver”, or revolving credit agreement. Less money paid out to executives goes right to the bottom line and helps with lenders...Emmis will make up the shortfall between the 15 grand and their usual salary in quarterly bonuses taken from the proceeds of the sale of the last Emmis TV property, WVUE. But only if “certain performance targets from a prior quarter are hit.” Otherwise they’ll get stock, not cash."


Meanwhile, the newspaper business is in deep doo-doo too...


McClatchy cuts jobs; Star Ledger may shut
(Wall Street Journal) The malaise afflicting the newspaper industry worsened Tuesday as McClatchy Co. announced its second major staff reduction in three months and the Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J., took a possible step toward closure. The developments indicate the industry's fortunes may be falling further and faster than previously thought. McClatchy's latest round of cuts, which will trim 10% of its work force, follows a 10% reduction announced in June. Meanwhile, the owners of the Star-Ledger appear resigned to the darkest of the paper's possible fates despite deep pockets and a firm hold on an affluent market.

Tribune, Zell named in employee's lawsuit
(Wall Street Journal) Ovide and Koppel write: "One current and five former Tribune Co. employees accused the company and Chief Executive Sam Zell in a lawsuit Tuesday of mismanaging the newspaper-and-television concern, the latest sign of worker protest against Mr. Zell's oversight. The lawsuit, filed in a Los Angeles federal court, alleges Tribune and Mr. Zell have failed to uphold their fiduciary duty to the company's employee stock-ownership plan, Tribune's majority owner. The lawsuit also claims Mr. Zell and other Tribune officials have improperly raided worker pension funds. 'Zell and his accessories threaten to destroy the Tribune Company and its assets,' the lawsuit says."





CLICK HERE





Are real journalists jealous of Jon Stewart?
(Alternet) Norman Soloman writes: "Absent from the fawning media coverage of The Daily Show is evident self-awareness that the elaborate praise is a tacit form of convoluted self-loathing -- in professional terms anyway -- among the likes of, say, Times journalists. Their own media institution is so circumscribed and so lumbering in its daily incarnation that they're apt to be amazed and envious at the incisively documented presentations on The Daily Show. That's the way it goes in medialand. What isn't conspicuous is apt to be insidious. The tick-tock of U.S. media hypnosis may be passably good at looking back -- reexamining some aspects of propaganda for the Iraq invasion, for instance, years after it occurs -- while now helping to mesmerize the country into escalation of the war in Afghanistan. But let's not quibble. Everybody has a job to do."

An anchor lets down her hair
(NY Times) David Carr writes: "The election season has been very good to a woman who seems to be benefiting from her status as an outsider in terms of gender and history. That would be Katie Couric, the anchor of the CBS Evening News. Sure, Gov. Sarah Palin makes headlines while Ms. Couric just reads them. And Ms. Couric has yet to prove that all of the lucre and attention lavished on her debut an anchor almost exactly two years ago was a smart business bet. Early efforts at innovation fell flat in the ratings, and a subsequent return to the evening news template left the impression that Ms. Couric was starring in her own hostage video...But once she left the anchor desk, she was everywhere at the conventions — soliciting people in a video on Digg about what questions to ask as a reporter for a nightly Webcast (cbsnews.com), seeking out the kind of conversations that made “Today” such a monster in the ratings. There was no convention bump in the ratings for Ms. Couric, and CBS and she remain a long way from precious bragging rights. But the odd anchor out has been in the middle of things for the last few weeks."

Anderson Cooper Off Camera
(USA Weekend) Monica Collins writes: "In April, Cooper casually relayed how a stalker had shown up at his apartment that morning with suitcases. Because of incidents like this, a guard, hired by CNN, now escorts Cooper home each night after he finishes anchoring Anderson Cooper 360. The need for protection complicates the life of this anchor who, for the most part, attempts to live without pretension. 'He doesn't want an entourage,' says Jonathan Klein, president of CNN/U.S. He comes into the building in his T-shirt and knapsack." Details magazine editor Dan Peres, who has known Cooper for nearly a decade, seconds this notion. 'You seldom meet him at a big, fancy restaurant,' Peres says. 'He doesn't care. If anything, he wants to fly as far under the radar as he possibly can.'"


CLICK HERE


Building Teamwork with Talent
(Chicago Radio Spotlight) This week I reprinted a piece I wrote earlier this year for The Robinson Report, an industry publication. It was also reprinted in All Access. It contains my three tips for dealing with talent.

Mini Interview: Leslie Keiling
(Chicago Radio Spotlight) Every week I'm featuring excerpts from my SHORE Magazine article about 14 local radio voices. This week: WGN's Leslie Keiling.


Chicago Radio Spotlight interview: Kevin Robinson
(Chicago Radio Spotlight) This weekend I spoke with the former program director of WJMK and The Fish, Kevin Robinson, about his time in Chicago, and his current consulting job. Coming this weekend, former "Morning Fix" co-host, Alan Cox.

100 years

This is the video of the special I wrote about in the Suburban Man column below. Check it out, because it's accompanied by the personal stories of each fan. Included amongst the fans: the founder of the Emil Verban Society (Bruce Ladd), boxer David Diaz, Ronnie Woo Woo Wickers, Smashing Pumpkins singer Billy Corgan, and my good friend Leslie Keiling's mother, Helen.

Suburban Man: Welcome to broadcasting, kid

By Rick Kaempfer




About three weeks ago I received a phone call from a friend of mine with an interesting proposition. My friend’s mother had just been filmed for an upcoming ESPN special about the Cubs. The show (and an accompanying article in ESPN Magazine) was to feature Cubs fans from every decade of their losing century. My friend’s mother was chosen to be the representative for Cubs fans in their 90s.

While they were filming her, one of the writers of the project mentioned that they were having a difficult time finding a kid under ten years old who was articulate, comfortable in front of the camera, and devoted to the Cubs. My friend immediately thought of my son, Sean, who is all of those things. Would he be interested in representing Cubs fans under ten?

I asked Sean, and he raised his hands in the air. He screamed “YEAH!!!”

That got the ball rolling. The writer of the piece called me up and interviewed me about Sean. Was he really a die-hard Cubs fan? I asked Sean to name some of the players, and he effortlessly named half the team off the top of his head.

“But I can only do three of their batting stances,” Sean confessed.

“I think we have our boy,” the writer said.

He sent me the script that all of the fans were going to recite. The plan was to cut from one fan to another in a montage. After each fan read the script, they were going to be interviewed about their love of the team, their feelings about the hundred years since the last championship, and their chances for this year.

Sean made me practice the script with him several times a day for the next week. He had it down pat. He looked right at the camera, he smiled, and he pronounced everything perfectly. We did a few practice interviews, and Sean was charming, cute, enthusiastic and hilarious.

The writer called me to set up a filming time and location. They had it down to two choices: the local baseball field, or our backyard “field” where Sean plays every day. He said he would call me up the next day and make the final arrangements.

Sean was totally excited, and I must admit, so was I. I knew the names of the other people chosen to represent the other decades, and just being associated with this group would be something Sean would cherish for the rest of his life (once he realized who these people were–many of them were nationally known celebrities).

Then I got the call.

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news,” the writer told me, “but we found out yesterday that there’s a seven year old kid named Wrigley Field–and we’re going with him instead. Really sorry about that.”

I was disappointed, but mainly because I knew this news would crush Sean. I thought about telling him the lessons I learned during my twenty year broadcasting career, but I knew he wouldn’t understand any of that. This was just pure disappointment, and it couldn’t be dressed up as anything else or explained away with detached broadcasting industry logic.

I approached the subject with him as gingerly as possible. As I began to tell him that he wasn’t going to be used in the special after all, his eyes welled up. “But Dad, I knew the words. I knew the players…”

“I know, buddy,” I said as I comforted him with a hug, “but they found another boy that they want to use instead. They only picked him because his name is Wrigley Field.”

He looked up at me. “That’s his name?”

“Yup.”

He broke into a big grin. “That’s the coolest name ever.”

And just like that (snap), he was over it. It must be great to be 5.

(Postscript: The show aired on Sunday, and just for the record, little Wrigley Field did a very nice job.)

Monday Musings

Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.



Joke of the Week: Contributed by "B"

And then the fight started....

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started.
================================================== =====================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."

I bought her a scale.


And then the fight started.

================================================== ===================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started....
================================================== ===================

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

================================================== =============

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she
took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

================================================== ==========

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...




Stories you might have missed


1. Man suspected of sausage and spice attack set free
(He rubbed spices in the face of one man, and hit another man with an eight inch sausage. Sounds like a typical night at George Michael's house.)

2. Man bills Michigan town for cleaning public bathroom
(Can you say Obsessive compulsive?)

3. Mom allegedly uses daughter's ID to be cheerleader
(The other girls got suspicious in the locker room when she complained of hot flashes.)

4. Joe Biden's whoopsie-daisy
(Warning: This is hard to watch if you feel empathy for public figures. If not, you'll love it.)

5. To infinity and beyond
(This is quite a feel-good story)




Video of the week: Contributed by "D". Damon Wayan's colonoscopy






Photo of the week: Contributed by "B". Separated at Birth


























READER RESPONSE



Regarding Suburban Man: "Wait til your father gets home"

"Can we talk about weeds? I used to believe that my Father had kids just so he had someone to pick weeds every Summer weekend. My kids will do anything to avoid picking weeds.."
--J

Regarding "Just One Bad Century"

"You gotta have faith" --those are not just the words of POP ICON (and part time men's room attendant) George Michael. Do you attend Church? Maybe it's time you started."
--M

Chicago Radio Spotlight: Kevin Robinson

Kevin Robinson is a strategic partner at Audience Development Group. From 1992-2004 he was a prominent program director in Chicago at WJMK and WZFS/WYLL.






RADIO-OGRAPHY

*Audience Development Group, 2006 – Present
*CBS Radio - Vice-President/HOT AC Format - March 2005-July 2006
*Y98 FM KYKY/St. Louis - Program Director - September 2004–July 2006
*106.7 The Fish WZFS & AM 1160 WYLL/Chicago - Program Director - April 2002–March 2004
*Oldies 104.3 WJMK & AM 1160 WJJD/Chicago - Program Director - December 1992–March 2002
*Mix 92.9 WBUF/Buffalo - Program Director - November 1991-December 1992
*95FM WVIC/Lansing - Program Director - August 1989-November 1991
*Y95 KOY/Phoenix - Assistant Program Director/Music Director/Research Director - November 1987-August 1989
*LRS102 WLRS/Louisville - Assistant Program Director/Music Director/Air Talent - December 1984-November 1987
*97WB WBWB/Bloomington - Everything - March 1981-December 1984


Rick: During the heyday of WJMK, you were the program director. I don't think people realize or remember just how big of a ratings powerhouse that station once was, and you were guiding it during most of those years.

Kevin: During that stretch, there we so many people who helped achieve a fantastic run where we were Top 5, 25-54 persons, 23 of 29 Arbitron surveys - often without resources while our competitors where investing truckloads in outside tactical marketing.

Part of the reason we flew under the radar was that I wasn't nearly the 'legend' in programming guys like the great Mike Phillips at K-EARTH or Joe McCoy (photo with Kevin) at CBS-FM were --so they received more well-deserved press, especially in the trade publications. If you remember, I had the personal policy of no trade press - thinking at the time that if you give an interview, you're simply sharing secrets.

Plus, I never lobbied hard for industry awards - although we received many Marconi nominations I thought the NAB voting process was flawed. Basing a nomination on a package of written, non-verified words without audio was simply wrong to me. But I was proud of the numerous A.I.R awards the staff and station picked up - audio nominations voted on by our peers, imagine that!

Rick: When John Landecker was hired at WJMK in 1993, that really marked a change in WJMK's approach. It was the first time WJMK really allowed a full-service morning show. Talk about some of the growing pains of that process from your perspective.

Kevin: The sole reason I was hired (other than that I would do it for the lowest cash amount and would put up with the dung flying out of the corner office) was to bring life to WJMK between the records. I was a Top 40 guy, NOT an oldies guy. I learned the music from my hours spent with Bill Drake, (Yes, that Bill Drake), then employed Top 40 momentum and acumen, including identifying a morning show that could drive numbers.

When Landecker (photo) was working with Saul Foos, he tried to get anyone from the Foos talent pool on WJMK. I kept asking him, 'why not YOU?' He said NO several times, until we had him fill-in a few times in August 1993 then put together a deal the next month.

In retrospect, Landecker tried too many things on the audience at once. He eventually grew into a GREAT morning talent after inside and outside guidance, including spectacular coaching and packaging from you. I still play my Landecker & The Legends CD's!

Rick: What are some of your fondest memories from your years at WJMK?

Kevin: The amazing staff that we were able to assemble. The building certainly wasn't 'talent friendly,' but we were able to change that.

Think about it - Legendary air talent like John Records Landecker, Dick Biondi (photo) and Catherine Johns, plus Brant Miller (Now mornings on WLS-FM) on weather and Richard Cantu on news (now with ABC Network News). Great jocks like Scott Miller and Greg Brown (now with WLS-FM). The BEST part-time staff in the city - three of our part-timers were former Chicago morning men. The parodies you and Vince Argento (now with Jonathon Brandmeier) put together and Bob Lawson's amazing imaging (who's still with WJMK - whatever they are doing) glued it together.

Plus across the hall at sister station WJJD we had Legends Clark Weber, Bob Hale and Bob Dearborn.

I have GREAT memories of everything I learned from the staff roaming the halls of 180 North Michigan. But bad memories of the furniture.

Rick: Is there anything in retrospect that you would have done differently?

Kevin: I would have celebrated our victories with greater vigor and caught more of the fecal matter flowing down the halls.

Rick: I've previously written about the experience of working with former WJMK general manager Harvey Pearlman. I think it's hard to explain to current radio people what Harvey was like. How would you describe his personality?

Kevin: Many of the Harvey stories are true -albeit amped up as those who translate history tend to do. He was one of those colorful radio icons that's hard to explain. He liked to yell, and he claimed he never fired anyone - people simply quit. Harvey could be radically angry one minute then your 'grandfather' the next. He was generous in his own way - I learned more about the business of radio from him than anyone else.

Harvey rarely cut people, if ever - the wholesale staff gutting took place after he left. Some of my favorite quotes, which will never be published, came from Harvey's office.

Rick: After you left WJMK, you were working with CBS as a national program director of one of their formats. In that role you traveled all over the country listening to some of the other CBS shows. Is there anyone out there in a smaller/medium sized market that you think would fit in well here in Chicago?

Kevin: That's a good question. The BIG issue is that MOST great radio talent do such a GREAT job of serving their local community that transferring them into Chicago wouldn't be a good match.

But since you're pinning me down to ONE, John Jay & Rich in Phoenix/Tuscon are simply amazing. They grab HUGE shares in and out of their target. Why Clear Channel hasn't placed them on Kiss in Chicago is stunning to me.

Rick: You've worked with some real legends. What Chicago radio personalities do you admire the most and why?

Kevin: Well, all of the people I mentioned earlier. Plus, I wish we could have worked with Fred Winston (photo) more but there was a history that proceeded you and me. Ron Britain is in the same boat. My three hour Ruth Chris lunch with Ron is the stuff of legend.

You might remember where Melissa Foreman was going to join us until she met Harvey. Her addition to the Landecker in the Morning show would have been remarkable.

Rick: You're currently working as a consultant. Tell us a little bit about what that entails?

Kevin: I hate the word 'consultant'. Yuck. It carries so much negative baggage from those bad ones who've carried the bag before me. Since I've had exposure and success in so many different formats, my clientèle runs the spectrum. Country, Oldies, Christian, Hot AC, Talk, Mainstream AC - I have them all.

I also have a few Americana formats - which I think is the NEXT BIG THING.

Plus, for some odd reason I've become somewhat known as a talent coach. There was one situation this Spring (because I don't share my pedigree unless asked) where we had a 'difficult' morning show. The owner, much to my chagrin, pulled out The Landecker Card to get him to pay attention. Ugh.

Most of my partnerships are in smaller markets and I try to lend what I've learned from guys like you to their particular situation - working completely custom depending on market opportunities. I'm talking to you now from Tyler, Texas!

Never do I come into a situation with a format or 'safe list' in my back pocket. Every opportunity is different - which is why I openly question the 'plug & play' format option.

I work with my Partners Tim Moore out of Naples and Brian Wright in Grand Rapids.

Rick: I've become a big fan of your weekly newsletter, The Robinson Report. You write about the business in a realistic, but positive way. How does one go about getting on the list to receive it?

Kevin: Anyone can subscribe at www.audiencedevelopmentgroup.com which might the longest URL on the net.

I try to write The Robinson Report for the NEXT generation - those who haven't been soiled by cookie-cutter formats and give them ONE thing to put into play (or to think about) each week.

The response is strong - which tells me there's plenty of life left in terrestrial radio.

Building Teamwork with Talent

I wrote this a few months ago for Kevin Robinson's radio industry newsletter, The Robinson Report. It was reprinted this week in the industry publication "All Access". I'm reprinting it here now for the local crowd. The intended audience is radio programmers.





Since the beginning of radio, there has always been an uneasy relationship between talent and programmers. It's totally natural if you think about it. Talent is right-brained, creative and impulsive. Programmers are mostly left-brained, detailed and analytical.

The clash occurs when a programmer attempts to coach the talent. Left-brained programmers nearly always coach right-brained talent using left-brained techniques.

And then they wonder why it doesn't work.

I was a radio producer for 20-plus years. I always got along well with both sides because I'm a natural right-brained person and could think like the talent, but I was raised in a very strict family of left-brained thinkers, and therefore could also understand where the programmers were coming from.

I heard what programmers were trying to say during coaching sessions, but I also heard what the talent was hearing. It wasn't the same thing. Ninety percent of those problems could have been avoided by following three simple rules.

1. Leave your anal tendencies at the door
In your job, attention to detail is a necessity ... until you apply it to your coaching sessions.

You must let the little things go. You must. When the talent hears you constantly harping about something that he or she considers completely meaningless (you know what I'm talking about here; the stuff that makes them roll their eyes), your chances of getting them to listen to your advice on any other subject is gone forever.

2. Use the proportional rule
Yes, talent is sensitive, but you don't need to deal with them with kid gloves. You can say what you really believe. You just need to convey the positive as enthusiastically as you convey the negative.

If you think 90% of the show was good and only 10% wasn't, then you should be spending 90% of your time praising the stuff you liked, and only 10% critiquing. When you only accentuate the negative, you're subliminally telling them that you hate the show, even if you don't feel that way.

3. Listen to their ideas, don't immediately judge them
Way too many great ideas die because programmers don't listen. Often, a creative person can see the potential in an idea before he or she is able to put it into words. That needs to be nurtured, not squashed. Restrain yourself from pooh-poohing ideas you don't understand. Help them talk through their ideas instead. When the talent is unable to verbalize it to you, he will realize that it needs to gestate in his brain a little longer. Eventually, he'll come back to you later with a great idea, or he'll kill it himself.

The key is being non-judgmental. You're not against it. You're just trying to understand it.

That's it. That's all you need to do. If you follow those three simple rules, the talent will believe you are on the same team, which of course you are.

Once the talent believes he has a teammate, he or she will be more confident. Once they are more confident, their natural creativity will flourish.

Once that happens, everyone wins.

Media Notebook (Sept 11, 2008)

Collected and Edited by Rick Kaempfer





Highlights and links to the big stories in the news this week about the media. This column appears twice a week at MEDIA NOTEBOOK


What your cable news network says about you
(Christian Science Monitor) Dante Chinni writes: "The past two weeks of the presidential campaign were about the candidates and parties defining who and what they are – or at least who and what they would like to be. The conventions in Denver and the Twin Cities tried to craft images and messages for the final two months of the campaign...How you see Sen. Barack Obama (change agent or inexperienced youth) or Sen. John McCain (maverick Republican or President Bush’s heir) may depend on where you go for news. There are points and counterpoints on the Web and on the radio, as well as on cable news – where the approaches and viewpoints are becoming increasingly different. CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC may argue that they do not push any clear views in their coverage, but there are clear differences in their audiences. Consider that the night of Senator Obama’s acceptance speech, 8.1 million viewers tuned in on CNN, while 4.2 million watched Fox, according to Nielsen data. The next Thursday, the numbers were flipped: Senator McCain’s speech brought in 9.2 million viewers on Fox and 4.8 million on CNN. MSNBC had 4.1 million viewers for Obama and 2.5 million for McCain. One possible conclusion: Democrats seem to be turning more to CNN and MSNBC in 2008, while Republicans seem to watching Fox."



MSNBC drops Matthews, Olbermann as news anchors
(Washington Post) Howard Kurtz writes: "MSNBC is removing Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews as the anchors of live political events, bowing to growing criticism that they are too opinionated to be seen as neutral in the heat of the presidential campaign. David Gregory, the NBC newsman and White House correspondent who also hosts a program on MSNBC, will take over during such events as this fall's presidential and vice presidential debates and election night. The move, confirmed by spokesmen for both networks, follows increasingly loud complaints about Olbermann's anchor role at the Democratic and Republican conventions. Olbermann, who regularly assails President Bush and GOP nominee John McCain on his "Countdown" program, was effusive in praising the acceptance speech of Democratic nominee Barack Obama."

What really happened at NBC?
(New York Observer) Felix Gillette writes: "So how did it happen, according to Phil Griffin? The 'beauty of my job,' he said, was that nobody from GE had ever big-footed his domain. He said he dealt purely with NBC Universal’s president and CEO, Jeff Zucker, and NBC News’ president, Steve Capus. He had come to this decision, he said, after consulting first with Mr. Olbermann and later with Mr. Matthews. He said they had been having a philosophical debate on the subject for months. 'I think what came to a head this time is that our guys don’t want to be restrained,' said Mr. Griffin. 'That was it. … If you move a chair over, you can say what you really think.' It had indeed been a months-long debate, and a philosophical one. That it never saw any practical results until the convention is probably as much a matter of circumstance as anything else. But the circumstances build a case that has not looked good for Mr. Griffin and his people."

Moonves backs Couric after conventions
(Broadcasting & Cable) Marisa Guthrie writes: "CBS News was a consistent third behind NBC and ABC during coverage of the political conventions, although some nights it was very close to overtaking ABC. 'We all wish the ratings were better,' Moonves acknowledged. 'I think the conventions accentuated what a phenomenal talent she is. She is great on her feet. She is a great interviewer. She’s great at passing the ball around. I think she did an extraordinary job, and I was extremely proud of her and our entire CBS News team during the conventions. I think we showed how good we were. I really do. Ratings notwithstanding, we’re doing a terrific job.'"


First Sarah Palin interview goes to Charlie Gibson
(USA Today) David Bauder writes: "Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has agreed to sit down with ABC's Charles Gibson later this week for her first television interview since John McCain chose her as his running mate more than a week ago. Palin will sit down for multiple interviews with Gibson in Alaska over two days, most likely Thursday and Friday, said McCain adviser Mark Salter. The interview with Palin was confirmed Friday, ABC News spokesman Jeffrey Schneider said. The first-term Alaska governor has given speeches alongside McCain since becoming his surprise pick on Aug. 29. But Democrats have already begun to question why Palin has not been put before reporters to answer questions. McCain, who appeared on CBS' Face the Nation Sunday, said he expected Palin to start doing interviews 'in the next few days.'"


CLICK HERE



Microsoft's Zune introduces FM radio tagging technology
(Radio Online) Nine radio broadcast companies have committed song tagging technology that will let users of Microsoft's Zune mp3 player tag songs and buy music directly from FM radio, in a campaign called "Buy From FM," beginning September 16. Additionally, every Zune player will let consumers automatically download or stream their tagged songs when they reach a wireless hot spot...The song tagging uses RDS technology and will become available on on most FM radio outlets operated by Beasley, Bonneville, CBS Radio, Citadel, Clear Channel, Cox Radio, Emmis, Entercom and Greater Media. In all, listeners will be able to purchase music heard on over 450 radio stations.
(Rick's note: In Chicago that would include nearly every station on the dial.)


NY attorney general investigating new ratings system
(Radio Ink) New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo has launched an investigation into Arbitron's Portable People Meter, the New York Daily News reports. The decision to investigate follows months of complaints about the PPM methodology by Hispanic and Urban broadcasting groups, including NABOB and the Spanish Radio Association. Cuomo wrote in a letter to Arbitron, "A significant and improper decline in ratings under the PPM methodology could cause minority stations to suffer drastic reductions in advertising revenue." The letter continues, "A full investigation of Arbitron's deployment of the PPM methodology is warranted before these sudden -- and possibly irreversible consequences -- are imposed on minority radio stations." Cuomo wants all PPM-related records dating back to 2003, the Daily News reports. Arbitron has maintained that the PPM fairly measures all communities and is more accurate than the diary.


Vin Scully signs on for 60th season
(Radio Ink) Dodgers play-by-play man Vin Scully will stay with the team for at least one more year, making his tenure with the club exactly six decades. Scully -- who's been in the Baseball Hall of Fame since 1982 -- said his wife, Sandy, gave her OK for him to go ahead for the '09 season. But the 80-year-old broadcaster said he doesn't have plans to sign beyond that; he told the Los Angeles Times, "There's a beginning, a middle, and an end for all of us. I know that I have a lot more yesterdays than I have tomorrows." Scully, 80, will continue to cover Dodgers home games and road games as far east as Colorado.





CLICK HERE






Stephen Colbert to have his DNA sent to space
(Newsweek) Should this world ever cease to exist, Stephen Colbert will live on. The comedian's DNA will be digitized and sent to the International Space Station, Comedy Central was to announce Monday. In October, video game designer Richard Garriott will travel to the station and deposit Colbert's genes for an Immortality Drive. "I am thrilled to have my DNA shot into space, as this brings me one step closer to my lifelong dream of being the baby at the end of 2001," Colbert said in a statement, referring to the 1968 landmark science fiction film "2001: A Space Odyssey."



A McCain Administration FCC might loosen up the ownership rules
(Radio-Info.com) Tom Taylor writes: "Not immediately, though. Even if a President McCain elevated current Commissioner Robert McDowell to Chairman, chances are that for the first part of 2009, there would be a 2-1 Democratic majority on the 8th Floor. That’s assuming that current Chairman Kevin Martin leaves to pursue a future in the private world (or politics) and that current Commissioner Debi Tate doesn’t win renomination. And re-stocking the Federal Communications Commission will rank low on the priority list of either President McCain or President Obama. But eventually – a Republican administration will try again on media ownership rules, and I know one dealmaker who says “that’s the only thing that can save the industry, if there’s more consolidation allowed, like in 1996.” Others may feel that 1996 was the turning point that led to less local ownership and more disconnect with the community."
(Rick's note: Count me among "others")

Mini Interview: Melissa McGurren
(Chicago Radio Spotlight) Every week I'm featuring excerpts from my SHORE Magazine article about 14 local radio voices. This week: WTMX's Melissa McGurren.


Chicago Radio Spotlight interview: Eddie Volkman
(Chicago Radio Spotlight) This weekend I spoke with the co-host of the Eddie & JoBo show, Eddie Volkman. We talked about his long relationship with JoBo, including some of the highlights and lowlights of their show.

Suburban Man: Wait Til Your Father Gets Home

By Rick Kaempfer









Because my dad died twenty years ago and none of my children ever met him, they ask about him a lot.

At first I told them all the great things about him; the obstacles he overcame, the way he genuinely cared about everyone, and the respect he engendered among his peers. But recently I've been completing the picture a little more, and I'm feeling a little guilty about it.

You see, I've been using Dad to scare them straight.

Perhaps you do the same thing. Here's how it works: When the children are misbehaving and my "nice" way of getting them in line is ineffective, it's time to trot out the punishment techniques of my parents. Not use those techniques, just remind them what they were.

It's indisputable that the techniques commonly used a generation ago were harsher than those considered acceptable today. When my father came home from work, my mother would greet him at the door with a laundry list of our offenses along with the punishment she expected him to enforce ("Ricky told his sister to drink toilet water, so he gets five spankings.") He would exhale, take off his hat and tie, and joylessly take care of business before pouring himself a cocktail.

He knew his role as the father. He was the bogeyman on the other end of the "wait 'til your father gets home" threat. If he wasn't dispensing spankings, he was coming up with creative punishments to deal with the really serious stuff. Usually that involved being "grounded", or writing "I will not talk back to my mother" a thousand times, but sometimes it was much worse.

I've taken a slightly different approach with my own kids. I don't spank them because I just don't see the point. In our house the biggest problem is fighting--and somehow hitting them doesn't exactly make the point I'm trying to make (fighting doesn't solve anything). On the other hand, I noticed that when I muttered "maybe my dad's way of doing this was right," they immediately snapped to it.

After I noticed that was working, I began to share more and more stories of Dad's punishment techniques. Each story added to his legend. Even his non-corporal punishments struck fear in their little pampered hearts.

And I kind of like that.

I feel bad for using Dad this way, but if he's watching from heaven, he knows why I'm doing it. After all, the stories he told me (and my siblings) about his own father giving him "the belt" or making him "pick out a stick to be beaten with" were far scarier than anything he actually did to us.

And I'm sure his father did the same thing. And his father before that. And the generation before that took it to another level with those Grimm's Fairy Tales.

"You think I'm bad? Let me tell you a story about a boy and girl named Hansel & Gretel. They were left out in the woods to die by their parents, and you know what happened to them there? They met a cannibal witch who tried to eat them."

Think any of those early 19th century kids misbehaved after hearing one of those stories?

Monday Musings

Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.



Joke of the Week: Contributed by "T"



THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to urinate in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.




Stories you might have missed


1. McCain staff accidentally uses Walter Reed middle school as backdrop
(They can't explain why either, although many speculate they simply goofed and thought it was image of Walter Reed hospital. Seriously...these guys want to run the country?)

2. Rock stars tell GOP to stop using their music
(Among the stars: Jackson Browne. The Republicans were actually using his song "Running on Empty." Seems appropriate to me.)

3. Man in wheelchair robs 7/11 of condoms
(Apparently he still has some movement in his lower extremities)

4. What does your taste in music say about you?
(Mine says that I'm rebellious. It's a fun little article.)

5. RIP Don LaFontaine
(The greatest voice over guy of all-time. He was the voice of the Loop-FM for a year or two in the early 90s.)


Video of the week: This is called "John McCain's wandering eyes." "P" thought it was funny, and so do I.







Photo of the week: Contributed by "B & S". Found in Venice, California.