They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.
"Worst Jobs"
By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern
Big Brother is watching.
Don’t worry, it’s only Rick (technically he is a big brother) and he’s watching. During the lifetime of this blog, Rick has discovered that most of the hits have occurred between 8:00A – 5:00P Monday thru Friday. For all of you with gainful employment, thumbs up to sticking it to the man. Is it because this blog is an indispensable source of humor or is it because you hate your job?
We think it's the latter.
As always, Rick and Dave are concerned with your happiness and want to help. While you’re toiling through your mundane work experience, remember it could be worse. There are jobs out there far worse than yours. Feeling better about yourself through the misfortunes of others (Germans call this 'Schadenfreude') has always worked pretty well for us. Take our lead and think about the following vocations next time you get depressed about your own:
1) The coach of the Washington Generals
This is the team that plays the Harlem Globetrotters every night. Their record? 0-6,000,000. That's even worse than the Cubs.
2) The Star Trek guy that accompanies Kirk, Spock and Bones on a mission
Take this job and you’re 100% certain to be eaten by a large space alien or whacked by a Klingon. Worst part, you ain’t getting any of the syndication money.
3) Santa's Elf
So you're an accountant and you think that April is the busy season? Fourth Quarter at Santa's Workshop would make your calculator melt.
4) Rodeo Clown
If antagonizing a 2,000-pound horn-wielding cranky beast is your bag, go for it. Here’s a tip though, try to negotiate not having to wear size 54 shoes.
5) Steve's replacement on Blues Clues
Take this job and you’ll be forever compared to perhaps the greatest performer in history. Steve is a better dancer than Joe, he’s a better singer than Joe, and he’s a better artist than Joe. He can fill a whole notebook in a day, twice.
6) Paris Hilton’s Calculus Professor
Teacher: Please compute...
Paris: My doggie likes to eat food.
7) The tragedy receptionist
Every time there's an awful tragedy like a plane, train, or bus crash, there's always a hotline for family members to inquire about the fate of their loved ones. Somebody has to answer those calls. We're assuming they don't have that automated yet..."Press the first three letters of the last name followed by the pound sign, to find out if your loved one has survived."
8) Naomi Canpbell’s domestic help –
If you wear a helmet you might escape with your life, but those lanky-types pack more of a whallop than you think.
9) High School Driving Instructor
Not only will you have to teach teenagers who don't fear death, you’ll have jerks like us purposely cutting you off in traffic for kicks.
So, the next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself because you have a crappy job, think of these poor shlubs. No matter how bad your life is, it could be worse.
Puts a smile on your face just thinking about it, doesn't it?
To read other Half Empty columns, click here: http://halfemptyarchive.blogspot.com
Today is the anniversary of Elvis' death. Click here to read how the tenth anniversary of his death in 1987 inadvertantly led to a lifelong obsession of mine: Snow Dome King
