I got these from the thought catalog website. I thought a few of them were hilarious...
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Q: What does the “B” in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?
A: Benoit B. Mandelbrot.
Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on technicality…
Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies, “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says, “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”
A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, the statistician yells “We got ‘em!”
there are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets
A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies “No I’m traveling light”
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks “dry?”, he replies “nein, just one”
There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.
A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says “make me one with everything”.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, to whom.
Silver and Gold walk into a bar. Bartender says “‘ey you, get outta here!” Gold leaves the bar.
