Mike Medina is a long time friend. We met over twenty years ago when we both worked at WPGU Radio in Champaign. We later also worked together at WLUP AM/FM. He was an integral part (some say the only funny part) of my show Ebony & Ivory. He also produced the Buzz Kilman show on that station. Mike has since gone on to study at the Second City improv school, and for the past nine years has been working as a design engineer. He turns 43 today--happy birthday. Mike has two kids, lives in the suburbs, hasn't had a single confirmed heart attack, and continues to dabble in his life-long passion: philosophy.Today the philosophical provacateur shares his wisdom with the youngsters...
"Words of Wisdom for the Class of '06"
By Michael T. Medina
When you are driving down the highway there are many situations where letting your foot off the gas pedal works as well hitting the brakes.
The proper reply to "thank you" is "you're welcome". Not "that's OK", "don't mention it", or "no problem". If it were a problem would you have done it?
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
When you’re standing in line for fast food think about what you are going to order before you get to the front of the line. It works better for everyone that way.
Cleaning is a top to bottom process.
If you're picking your nose in your car, use an open window to dry and flick the boogers. This will keep the inside of your car cleaner. Don't worry, when you're in your car no one can see you; you're completely anonymous! Be sure to set your cell phone down first.
Spell check isn't good enough, your have to proofread, top.
As you get older your butt starts to stink more (I think it has to do with the increased hair growth). Pay special attention to hygiene "down there".
Of course it’s always in the last place you look. Would you keep looking after you found it?
There are people who are "smart enough to know they're dumb" and people who are "too dumb to know they're not smart". The former are nicer to be around, but the latter are usually the successful ones. Gilligan could fly until the Skipper told him he couldn't. Do you know which one you are? (trick question)
You cannot cook bacon on a Hibachi.
Try to use more resources preparing your recycling than are gained by recycling. For example, use several gallons of water rinsing the cans, bottles and jars before putting them into the recycling bin. Make sure it's hot water.
Pretend to want to be closer to friends and family, but make no effort to do so. Then wonder why no one calls you.
Turn down your ear buds it's destroying your hearing.
See if a cantaloupe is ripe by smelling it. It should have a sweet fragrant smell when you buy it. Same with peaches.
Any bag of chips, no matter the size, constitutes one serving.
I’m done. Tip your waiters and waitresses on the way out.
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