By Rick Kaempfer
Ever since I started writing this column I’ve been getting snarky comments from long-time friends and colleagues about my “exciting suburban life.” These comments don’t really bother me because most of them come from young, childless or rich people who live in the city. They can’t comprehend why anyone would “choose” to live in the suburbs.
I’ll admit I was dragged out here kicking and screaming ten years ago. We had a baby at the time (Tommy), and we gave up our Gold Coast condo for a small Cape Cod in the suburbs. I went from a three minute cab ride to a thirty minute commute (and that was only because I worked at 4:00 a.m.). I went from a compact car suitable for parallel parking to a mini-van. I went from being a 32-year-old father of one to a 42-year-old father of three growing boys.
And I’ve never regretted my decision to move out here a single time. Why? Because I’m not young, I’m not childless, and I’m not rich.
When you’re young, you care about things like exotic restaurants and bars. When you go out three times a year, it couldn’t be lower on your priority list.
When you’re childless, you don’t care about a postage stamp backyard. In fact, it’s a plus. No muss, no fuss. When you have three boys, that’s a recipe for disaster.
When you’re young and childless, you don’t think about schools. When you have three kids and you see a headline like “Only 6% of Chicago Public School students graduate from college,” it suddenly matters very much.
When you’re rich, you also don’t worry about schools because you can send your children to private schools. When you’re not, a yearly tuition of $15,000 for a good school is not an option. If you have three kids (and I do) you would essentially be paying college tuition for a total of 48 years.
I’ve heard several other reasons that the suburbs are supposedly so offensive. I actually had one person tell me they couldn’t live with the “bland architecture.” That’s hilarious. Let me see where that comes up on my priority list...looking...looking...looking...oh there it is at #6,000,000. Another person said with a straight face, “but there’s no culture in the suburbs.” When I asked how often she went to the theatre or a museum, I heard silence in return. Another person complained that the suburbs aren’t “diverse.” Really? I coached Johnny’s soccer team for the past three years and the team was like the Rainbow Coalition.
“But there’s nothing to do!” one friend lamented.
To which I reply—like what? If there’s nothing to do, why is it that I’m busy every second of every day? I have three kids, a wife, a house, a company, a blog, a magazine I write for, and a book coming out in a few months. I haven’t even seen a movie at the theatre in three years, and I don’t feel like I’m missing a thing.
“But you have to drive everywhere!” another one said.
No we don’t. That’s one of the reasons we moved here. The boys can walk to school because it’s only three blocks away. All of the activities the boys participate in are nearby. My mother and sister both live two miles away. I work in my basement. I actually put fewer miles on the car out here than I did in the city.
“But those strip malls are so depressing,” another friend said.
You know what strip malls have? Free parking spaces. You might want to look that one up. There are people who don’t pay $20-30 for the privilege of putting their vehicles in a tiny concrete space for an afternoon, or $300 for a month, or $20,000 to own a space.
To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure I remember why I was so opposed to moving out here in the first place.
In all the years I lived in a high-rise I never even got to know the names of the people that lived on my floor...and they only lived a few steps away. I knew one as “the woman with the hairdo,” another one as “that weird guy in the corner,” and another as “the flight attendant who likes to ‘get busy’ every Saturday morning.”
I feel a sense of community here that I never would have experienced if we stayed on the Gold Coast. When Tommy was born in the city, the neighbors gave us dirty looks every time we stepped into the elevator. When Johnny and Sean were born in the suburbs, the neighbors showed up with home cooked meals.
In my humble little suburban neighborhood, everyone is in the same boat. We have a lot in common. We aren’t young. We aren’t childless. We aren’t rich. There’s certainly nothing wrong with being young or childless or rich. I’ve been two of those three things—and enjoyed that time of my life very much.
I’m just not there anymore. I’m here. And it fits me like a glove.
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