Spamming a Spammer

This week's Suburban Dad column on the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow is entitled "Spamming a Spammer" and it's about my buddy Dave's e-mail correspondence with a Nigerian spam artist.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you actually answered those ridiculous e-mails they send requesting your bank account information?

Wonder no longer.

Eckhartz Press

An exciting new publisher based in Chicago is readying their first book for publication later this month. The publisher is called "Eckhartz Press".

Details about the publishing company and their first book (and some of the other books already in the pipeline) will be coming soon, but here's an explanation of the company's name. The name is a combination of two names; Eckhard and Fritz. Those were the first names of the co-owners' fathers, Eckhard Kaempfer and Fritz Stern.

The laughing "E" in the logo might give you an indication of the kind of books that will most interest Eckhartz Press.

Forever Lazy

My friend "BP" sent me this link with the tag line: "This is why the terrorists hate us".

I must agree. No other country in the world would produce this product.

The Cubs in Vegas

I'm as optimistic as anyone about the Cubs future, but really, the Cubs won't win the World Series in 2012. Who are these people betting on them in Vegas? The odds at MGM are only 25-1.

AP Article

There's a great AP reporter named Don Babwin who likes to call me for quotes when the Cubs are in the news, especially when he's writing a story that could use a Cub fan's perspective. He calls me because he knows that I'll be following the story (because of Just One Bad Century) and he knows that I'll give him a colorful quote (because of Just One Bad Century).

The best thing about getting quoted in an AP story is that runs all across the country. And this week's story about Theo Epstein is no exception.

It's in the Boston Globe.

It's in the Washington Post.

And it's in just about every other newspaper in the country, and some others outside the country, like The Winnipeg Free Press.

All I can say is: "Thanks Don."

Father Knows Nothing

This week's Father Knows Nothing column at NWI Parent is entitled "Unsolicited Advice".

You can read it here.

Cubs fan in the Cardinal's Clubhouse

The guy who caught the game winning homer by David Freese yesterday returned the ball to Freese, and in return was allowed to come into the clubhouse and meet the team. He brought his buddy with him too. And his buddy was wearing a Cubs shirt.

It's in all the pictures.

Love it.

Aramis

Aramis Ramirez now says that he would be willing to return to the Cubs because they brought in Theo Epstein.

But here's the thing, A-Ram. Now that the Cubs have brought in Epstein, it's not just a matter of saying "I'll come back" anymore. Maybe Epstein doesn't want you.

It's like a guy who dumps his girlfriend because she put on a few pounds, and then when she loses the weight after the breakup says..."You know what, I'll take you back now." Not so fast there, hotshot. Now she's got lots of other guys to choose from too, and some of them may be far better long-term prospects than you are.

HalloweeM

This Saturday I'm going to be one of the featured speakers/panelists at HalloweeM, a regional Chicago Area Mensa gathering. That's right, Mensa.

Remember, the first two letters of Mensa are M-E.

I'm sure alarms will be going off when I enter the room at the Westin Hotel in Wheeling between 12:30pm–2:30 pm (*Alert, average intelligence! *Alert, average intelligence!)

The subject matter for this discussion? Cubbie Blues – panel of sports writers on Chicago’s loveable losers. Sadly, Theo Epstein will not be attending. It will just be your humble Just One Bad Century editor (me), the editor of the Cubs book I contributed to (Cubbie Blues) Don Evans, fellow author/Cub lover/Cubbie Blues contributor Randy Richardson, and the publisher of that book George Rawlinson.

I'm actually pretty excited about it. Should be a good time.

Theo's Boys

Two more of Theo Epstein's boys have officially come aboard.

Meet Jed Hoyer and Jason McLeod.

"Hoyer worked with Epstein on Boston player acquisitions, contract negotiations and player evaluations. His speciality was quantitative analysis, also known as sabermetrics. But he combined that with practical scouting, which he also helped direct. McLeod's expertise is in amateur scouting. He is given credit for stocking and fortifying the Red Sox farm system under the guidance of Epstein and Hoyer."

This is making me salivate. I'm like Homer Simpson looking at bacon.

The Onion on Parenting

This is brilliant, and of course, true. An excerpt...

"Our research suggests that while overprotective parenting ultimately produces adults unprepared to contend with life's difficulties, highly permissive parenting leads to feelings of bitterness and isolation throughout adulthood," lead researcher Daniel Porter said. "And, interestingly, we found that anything between those two extremes is equally damaging, always resulting in an adult who suffers from some debilitating combination of unpreparedness and isolation. Despite great variance in parenting styles across populations, the end product is always the same: a profoundly flawed and joyless human being."

Love the Onion.

All Things Must Pass

I just posted my latest weekly Suburban Dad contribution to the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow. This one is called "All Things Must Pass" and it's about my favorite "passing wind" story.

You can read it here.

Theo in Chicago

I listened to this entire press conference on the radio yesterday, and I've never been this excited to be a Cubs fan. (Watch part of it here. It's just nice to see that Cubs logo behind him, isn't it?) I'm still giddy. I know the naysayers are out there (I've been hearing from you--and by the way, you Boston fans could be the most ungrateful group of fans on the face of the Earth), but would you mind letting us have this moment to dream again? At least for a season or two. Is that really too much to ask?

Theo

His press conference is happening right now. It's very exciting. It's like watching the bride walk down the aisle. She's beaming, thinking of the honeymoon and the wedded bliss, but even though you know it won't be long before she discovers the reality of dirty socks on the floor and uninvited flatulence, on this one special day you can't bring yourself to rain on her parade.

Somebody fetch me a Kleenex.

RIP Roy Smalley

He was the shortstop for the Cubs before a young Ernie Banks took his place. While he was on the Cubs, Smalley made headlines by marrying the sister of his teammate Gene Mauch.

Roy had some pop and a rifle arm, but he could never put it all together in the big leagues. His son (also named Roy) later played in the big leagues too.

Roy Smalley died on Saturday at the age of 85.

Bill Wyman

The former bass player for the Rolling Stones is 75 years old today. That's not a misprint. He's 75! Here he is in action, back in the day...

E-mails, we get e-mails...

From "BP", another friend in Boston...

"My idea for a great Halloween costume. Any Red Sox pitcher. Red Sox Jersey and cap, bucket of KFC under one arm, and six pack of Bud under the other."

It appears that the ol' drunk Red Sox pitchers story is getting big play in Beantown.

Oldest Cubs Fan

There aren't many left that were alive when the Cubs last won the World Series, but there is at least one. His name is Archie, he lives in Peoria, and he's 107 years old.

Father Knows Nothing

My latest Father Knows Nothing column is entitled "Balloon Grinch".

You can read it here.

Theo's a Cub

ABC News reported it last night.

Full details are here.

Time for a collective exhale, Chicago.

Another Twit in the Wall

Over the past few years, every time I met a fellow author and we discussed the various different platforms we use to promote our writing, they were always shocked that I hadn't yet joined Twitter. "You have to be on Twitter. It's essential."

I didn't want to do it. I really didn't. I'm a little overextended as it is. But with a brand new novel coming out in a few weeks, I buckled. I joined Twitter yesterday. And now, after pathetically asking you to "Friend" me on Facebook a few years ago, I must now also beg you to please follow me on Twitter.

Here's my Twitter page.

I promise to be brief. Of course, I have no choice. 140 characters is the limit.

Now can someone please explain the whole hashtag thing to me? I'm serious. I need some help. I'm a technical moron.

Baseball Costumes

Yahoo! Sports offers up five baseball costume ideas for Halloween this year. Among their suggestions: Giants pitcher Brian Wilson, Babe Ruth, A League of Their Own, a baseball toddler outfit, and making his triumphant return on the list this year...Steve Bartman.

Are you still wondering why Bartman refused to take part in that documentary?

Theo Update

Depending on who you believe, Theo will either be announced by the Cubs today (on the World Series off day) or Commissioner Selig may have to step in to mediate the situation. Both of those possibilities are suggested within this one article.

Asparagus

Had a wonderful side dish of asparagus last night with dinner and it had it's usual effect on me. I don't know why, but that chemical reaction never fails to amuse me.

I'm 48 going on 12.

The Song Remains the Same

35 years ago today Led Zeppelin released their concert film "The Song Remains the Same". It was a Midnight movie staple for many years after that...

Book about Bartman Play

A man from New Lenox has written a book about the Bartman play, looking at every conceivable angle. His conclusion: the ump should have called fan interference.

The details about the book are here.

16 years ago

My annual birthday tribute to my oldest boy Tommy makes it's way onto the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow this year.

It was 16 years ago today.

Happy birthday, kid. I'm still a very proud papa.

Why Teachers Drink

"ER" sent me this, and yes it's one of those forwarded e-mail things, but even if it's not true it's funny...


The following questions were set in last year's GED examination

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Epstein Talks Stalemate

It sounds like the talks between the Cubs and Red Sox have hit a bit of a snag. According to this piece on ESPN.com, the Red Sox have agreed to let him bring along a couple of their staffers (including the guy Ricketts admires the most--the guy who remodeled Fenway) but they haven't yet agreed on compensation.

Full details are here.

Jimi Hendrix

From Bob Dearborn's The Olde Disc Jockey's Almanac, this little tidbit from 45 years ago today...

"October 18, 1966…The Jimi Hendrix Experience played its debut concert in Paris as the opening act for French pop star Johnny Hallyday."

This is what it sounded like...

Red Sux

Good to see the Red Sox are being reasonable. All they wanted in return for Theo Epstein is our only good pitcher, Matt Garza.

Details are here.

And yes, the Cubs refused.

Capone Convicted

Exactly 80 years ago today...Al Capone was convicted of tax evasion.

Chicago has been crime-free ever since.

The Billy Goat

There's quite a bit of background about William Sianis and the Billy Goat in this article.

I knew about the Cubs game portion of this story, but hadn't heard about what happened with the goat and Sianis in the eleven years before the Cubs incident. It's pretty interesting if you're into Chicago history.

Father Knows Nothing

My latest Father Knows Nothing column has been posted at NWI Parent. This week's column is called "The Little Brother Protector (Patent Pending)"

You can read it here.

1957

My ongoing writing project continues. I'm writing the history of Green White Soccer Club (a club that my father co-founded in 1956) one year at a time.

This is 1957.

Da Coach

Bob Newhart

Bob is coming to town this weekend, and in this interview with Dean Richards he fondly recalls greeting the pennant winning 1945 Cubs.

Trampoline Exploits

Somebody was obviously rolling tape last time I hit the trampoline gym...stole all my moves....

The Economy and The Cubs

Interesting take on the U.S. economy from Marketwatch writer Al Lewis.

He says it's just like the Chicago Cubs.

Woodpecker Warrior

My weekly Suburban Dad contribution to the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow is about my ongoing battle with a neighborhood woodpecker. You can read it here.

Disco Duck

I've always felt like I missed something by not being in America during the Bicentennial. My family lived in Germany and we never stepped foot in the U.S.A. for the entire year of 1976. Then again, I'm happy I wasn't around for this. It was the #1 hit in the country on this day in 1976. Amazing.

Theo to the Cubs

According to this AP report (via the Huffington Post), it's a done deal.

I know we've all been burned before, but if the Cubs really have hired a young whiz kid that already won two World Series in another city that had waited for many decades before winning one...I'm not going to let any negativity bum me out about this.

This is a good thing for the Cubs.

Hymie Weiss

85 years ago today Chicago gangster Hymie Weiss was gunned down right outside of Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago.

The bullet holes are still there.

That location, by the way, is featured in my upcoming novel "The Living Wills". (Details coming soon!)

Marlins Interested in Zambrano

So says a Miami television station.

Of course, Ozzie is the manager in Miami now, and he and his fellow Venezuelan have always gotten along well.

This may help land our new general manager. One less potential headache.

Good Vibrations

"Good Vibrations" was released exactly 45 years ago today. This video from 35 years ago features the Beach Boys performing it live (including Brian Wilson, who almost never made appearances with the band in those days), and it also has some footage from Brian's birthday party that year. Among the guests in the room; Paul and Linda McCartney...

Redd Foxx

Robert Feder's column this morning is about a new Redd Foxx biography, and it sounds like a good one. I had no idea that Foxx grew up in Chicago and went to high school with Harold Washington. The book also goes into his early show biz career, which I don't know a lot about. I may just have to pick this book up. Do they have still bookstores anywhere in your neighborhood?

I always considered Foxx a multi-talented performer. I still remember this Sanford & Son episode when he showed he could sing. He sounds just like Louis Armstrong.

Was that Theo Epstein?

The Chicago Tribune discusses the rumor that Epstein was spotted this weekend in Lincoln Park.

Father Knows Nothing

My latest Father Knows Nothing column has been posted at NWI Parent. This week's column is called "Do the voices, Dad, do the voices."

You can read it here.

Got to Be There

According to Bob Dearborn's The Olde Disc Jockey's Almanac this morning, Michael Jackson released his first solo record on this day exactly forty years ago.

I have to admit, I don't remember this one at all. Do you?

Should Epstein Come To Chicago?

Two ESPN.com writers debate the pros and cons.

Also, ESPN Radio's Marc Silverman begs him to come, via video.

A Fifth of Beethoven

Beethoven meets disco. Believe it or not, this was the #1 song in the country exactly 35 years ago today...

RIP Bear Tracks

His nickname was Bear Tracks, but his actual name was Johnny Schmitz.

He was a member of the Cubs during some of their darkest days, but Schmitz was also one of their best players. He actually won 18 games (and appeared in the All-Star game) for one of their worst teams of all-time, the 1948 Cubs. So of course, they traded him.

Bear Tracks passed away this weekend in Wisconsin at the age of 90.

Bartman Night is Cancelled

The Dayton Gems minor league hockey team announced and planned a Steve Bartman night at their pre-season game October 14th. The idea was to leave a ticket at the box office for Bartman, and to allow anyone dressed as Bartman to come in for free.

It sounds like Bartman's people were less than thrilled with the idea.

It will no longer be a Steve Bartman night.

Hit the Road Jack

This was the #1 song in America exactly 50 years ago today. It stands the test of time, don't you think?

Hank Jr. & The Dixie Chicks

My weekly Suburban Dad contribution to the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow has been posted. This week's is about the Hank Williams Jr. controversy, and how much it reminds me of the Dixie Chicks story from several years ago. That story had a direct impact on my life.

Read it here.

Cubs Ask Permission To Speak To Espstein

So says the Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy, who is about as clued in as anyone.

This is beginning to get very interesting.

Bleeding Cubbie Blue

A song that attempts to explain the self torture of being a Cubs fan...

Free $everance?

Until Nov. 15, my $everance publisher ENC Press is offering a free download of $everance as an e-book (PDF). For details, visit their page - www.facebook.com/ENCPress - and click on the Welcome tab under their profile pic.

Steve Bartman Night?

Looks like the "Catching Hell" special on ESPN is having repercussions in the hockey world too. A minor league hockey team in Fort Wayne is having a Steve Bartman night. They're leaving a ticket for him at the gate, and anyone who dresses like Bartman (from that infamous night) will get in free.

Somehow, I don't think Bartman would approve.

Details are here.

Theo Is "Very Interested"

That's Theo Epstein, the general manager that brought the Boston Red Sox two World Series championships in the past seven years after they had ZERO for the previous 86 years. And the thing he's allegedly "very interested" in is the Cubs general manager job.

Sign him up now. I'm serious.

I have friends that live in the Boston area and they've soured on Theo, and blame him for the demise of the team this past year, but it seems to me that they've got a ridiculously short memory in Boston. They've already fired the manager of those two championship teams, and now they're ready for the GM to leave too.

We'll take them both off your hands.

We already know what Francona would look like wearing a Cubs hat...

Father Knows Nothing

I just posted my latest Father Knows Nothing column at NWI Parent. This week's column is called "Hand-Me-Downs".

You can read it here.